[powerpress]
I’ve been reading article after article from parents, teachers, business people, and “experts” about the struggle of finding balance in life. About balancing family, work, fun, and all the stuff that life throws at us. Conversation after conversation, tip after tip, criticism after criticism all in the hunt for the elusive beast that is balance.
Stop hunting. Balance doesn’t exist. It can’t.
Whoa!! Gasp. I know it’s the wrong, un-popular thing to say. Let me say it again….
Balance doesn’t exist.
Who thought up this word and this goal? Where did it originate? Certainly not a parent. Or someone simply trying to make a living. How about a college student? Nope, pretty sure they didn’t make up balance. I know, I know…a small business owner! Ha! We can all giggle at that one.
Unless you lead a perfect life (if you think you do, you are delusional) you are devoting more time to a single area of your life than another. Usually out of necessity. True, choice is in there. But, it is a rare person that can choose a life completely void of dedication to a particular area, be it work, school, parenting, a relationship, etc. Balance, in the way it is commonly used, is not a reality we can achieve.
Perhaps you are a single mom and you are struggling to work and take care of your children. Adding the guilt of not “balancing” work and parenting doesn’t help you one bit. You can’t do a damn thing about your need to work and have your children in daycare. Does that make you less of a parent…no. I say it makes you MORE of a parent. Should you try to find time with you kids? Absolutely. Yet, I dare say that your children will grow up with a great respect for you and your hard work. And that is something to be proud of. Your life is not balanced, but it can still be good.
Maybe you are a college student with a part-time job to try to pay bills. What is this “balance” they speak of? For you, it’s simply balancing the need to keep your grades up with your need to pay for college. Forget eating healthy, going home for holidays, staying up to date on the world around you, having a hobby, reading for FUN??…you are lucky if you remember to do those on a GOOD day. Balance is a ridiculous idea, at least in the context in which the world tends to use it.
A working father putting in more than 60 hours a week can’t possibly “balance” his world. Just look at the hours that he has left for family, sleeping, mowing the lawn, friends, voting, and the other five million things that make up a life. He simply doesn’t have the time in the day to have “balance”. Sure, he can cut back on hours (maybe?). But then that throws another part of his life out of “balance”. He now watches the kids more often after school instead of working to save money. Which means he doesn’t have the income to care for the house, car, college, etc.. He can make different choices about priorities, but his life isn’t going to be completely in “balance”.
For me, the better question is how to lead a life that is fulfilling and happy. Balance has little to do with it. Every single day we are focusing on something different, a new goal, relationship, or struggle. It often receives a majority of our attention. There is nothing wrong with that. The question should be whether we end that day feeling fulfilled and happy. Are those we love fulfilled and happy? Yes? Well done. Was it a balanced day? Who cares!
I say we throw out the idea of balance.
Instead, let’s focus on our lives as a whole, our relationships as a whole, and our jobs as a whole. If we are fulfilled and our loved ones are fulfilled, if we are happy and our loved ones are happy, then we are on the right track. There will always be room for improvement and change. But let’s take one more pressure off our shoulders. The pressure of achieving balance.
words right outta my mouth…
as my balance today is tipping towards stress due to BALANCING the checkbook…accountant ,mother , business owner, wife , chef, artist, furniture painter, etc….LOL… hmmmmm I need cake!
YES! Cake fixes everything 🙂
i agree! i think it’s more like juggling it all properly- so that you pay attention to the right things at the right times and don’t drop any of the balls.
Love that description…exactly that! I agree.
Balance is there, you just have to embrace it. I have the bad habit of focusing too sharply on certain things. I have had to learn to back away and remember there are more things to life than a well run house or reading all the books.
That’s a good point, Kim. I guess the point is maybe to rethink our idea of what balance means…
Whoa! I applaud your courage in going against the new age thinking of BALANCE! Ha! I couldn’t agree more in that there is no such thing. To look at things as a whole is more practical…focus on the fulfilled feeling at the end of the day is way more satisfying. It’s a matter of prioritizing at best. Some day there are some things that need more attention and the next, those might shift. But it’s being able to close your eyes each night feeling like you’ve done the best you can? Priceless!
Jacquie, you said it so well! We love the idea of ending each day feeling like you’ve had a good day and lived your best.
Right! Let’s throw it out! In my days of owning and running a small business while raising my children as a single mom, I worried about balance. You can’t do everything perfectly if there is a lot on your plate. Choose the important ones and let the others slide.
So true! As if you could do everything you needed to in that position and still be “balanced”. Jeez.
Hello,
Thanks for sharing, couldn’t agree more with your post, today was a super unbalanced day for me, being ill and having my partner meet the parents for the first time over dinner, my mind was unbalanced to a different level, ha ha
Love, Husnaa x x
Ah…the “meet the parents” day. Rough.
I think it has become more of a struggle to achieve something like balance because of technology. You can never truly leave part of your life to focus on another because we all carry around phones or other devices that make us accessible but also susceptible to the needs of employers or family or whatever. Fifteen years ago I would leave work at the end of the day and shut it down until the next morning. For many that is no longer possible.
So true! Our business is completely online, and we count a lot on social media. Which means we are working in some form from 7am until 10pm…not that we don’t love our job! It’s just different than in the past.
I totally agree with you on achieving balance and that is something I haven’t tried to do in years. I am retired now, fully enjoying my days and my activities – doing the things I did not have the time to do when I was working. Did that mean my life was out of balance when I was working? I don’t think so, because at the time I loved my job and I loved going home to my family at night.
That’s a great point; the idea of balance doesn’t always allow for differences in life stages.
Hi there, great post- yes i think what i consider ‘balance’ today may not be ‘balance’ tomorrow. Fulfillment and happiness are what matter and if you achieve those then balance doesn’t come into the equation!
Totally agree. I have seen people stressing out themselves in search of a perfect balance. Trapped between my study, projects and personal life, i would say learning time management is the key to success. Initially it was so hard for me, but it is getting better slowly.
I have made the idea of balance a committed focus but I can see your point about it now becoming another burden in which to carry. Fortunately it is a burden I can carry without issue. Kind of like a good debt. I try to achieve balance but am fully aware that there are areas in which I fail miserably. Here’s to the elusive balance in life 🙂
I think the real issue with the notion of finding “balance” is that people make the mistake of thinking there is a cookie cutter version of life balance, when (as you’ve pointed out very well in your article) balance is different for each of us. Above all else, achieving balance comes down to self awareness … becoming very clear about what matters most to you and being willing to make the hard choices to make those things (and people) in your life a priority. Sometimes people say something is a priority because they believe it should be a priority, but inside they just really don’t care all that much. It’s a journey – as a wise person once said – I never said it would be easy, I just said it would be worth it. 🙂
Balance is without a doubt, a very difficult thing to achieve. However, if we allow one or two areas to be become neglected in favor of others, problems will definitely arise. Generally it is ourselves, who becomes shortchanged. I recently wrote a post about being Lost In The Wilderness: Finding My Purpose. It is because of that article and the events that led to it, that I began to blog. I will likely never find true balance, however I will never neglect self again, because of the imbalance of my obligations.
Kudos to you for saying that balance is impossible to achieve. There really are times we have to devote more time to work over family and vice versa. There’s also a lot to be said in regards to quality over quantity of time. However, I did quit teaching because 65-hour weeks were the norm and that wasn’t how I wanted to spend my life, even if I was good at my job.
I’m at uni and devote time to my blog (of course), fun, friends and extracurricular activities neglecting my actual uni work. Balance is possible if you cut things from your life but then again, this could be classed as imbalance. 🙁
You stated, “let’s focus on our lives as a whole, our relationships as a whole, and our jobs as a whole”, to me that is balance. To balance something, you must look at the entire picture, not just parts of it. Looking at the whole is balancing things, you must work for a living to support your family, but you must also have free time for your family that is balance.
The best way I try to stay balanced is to wisely budget my time. But you’re right, it’s really really hard, if not impossible to stay balanced. Balance is that often unobtainable goal that we all try to reach, like perfection.